


Loving Can Hurt Sometimes

by HuntersMoon47



Series: Wait For Me To Come Home [13]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, No Shepard Without Vakarian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28050666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuntersMoon47/pseuds/HuntersMoon47
Summary: Tuchanka, Citadel and Rannoch
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Wait For Me To Come Home [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/646886
Kudos: 13





	1. Garrus

Garrus tuned out Hackett’s voice. He knew Shepard had forgiven the admiral for what happened in Aratoth but he hadn’t yet. He hadn’t forgiven the human admiral for the haunted look deep in his commander’s eyes when she met his gaze as the Mass Relay exploded behind them; hadn’t forgiven him for the scrutiny and embarrassment Shepard had endured at the hands of the Alliance; hadn’t forgiven him for the fact that Shepard had to be alone with her nightmares; hadn’t forgiven him for the time together he’d stolen from them. 

So he focused on Shepard as she and Hacket discussed the Crucible, discussed the war, and the status on Earth. He focused on the woman with her head held high and her shoulders pulled back, despite what the galaxy had thrown at her. She was in her dress blues again; had put them back on the first chance she got. He had forgotten how much he liked her in them; how strong she looked in that navy and gold. Despite her time with Cerberus, despite learning she was more than just Alliance, Shepard was still military - a soldier to the bone - and it suited her well.

“We can do this, Shepard.” Hackett’s voice softened, drawing Garrus’ attention. He’d noticed this a few times - how the man’s voice changed when he spoke to Shepard on a personal level. Even on the Normandy, after losing the Aratoth System, Hackett had softened for just a moment. Maybe he did care about Shepard; care about her as an individual, not just a tool in a war. “You can do this. Never doubt that.”

“No, sir,” Shepard responded with a salute; a sign of respect that she showed no hesitation in giving. She trusted him - absolutely - Garrus realized. That was rare for her; extremely rare. Other than himself and, apparently, Hackett, there was only Anderson. Only three other people in the entire galaxy that he knew she trusted without question. Maybe it was time for him to let go of his animosity toward Hackett. He wanted no tension between the handful of people Shepard trusted. And he’d never known her to be wrong about a person’s character. 

“Good.” Hacket saluted back. “Hacket out.”

Shepard’s shoulders dropped when the vid call ended. She was tired. 

“You should let it go, Garrus,” she said without looking at him. “I forgave him.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Shepard snorted and turned to look at him, arms crossed. 

“I can hear your subvocals, Big Guy.” An eyebrow shot up when Garrus swore under his breath. She grinned at him for just a moment before her expression grew serious again. “Hacket didn’t understand indoctrination back then; he didn’t understand what he was sending me in to. It was a shit situation, but not one of his making. He’s a good man; a good soldier.”

He fell into step beside her as she made her way through the war room. Garrus opened his mouth to respond when they heard shouting. The raised voices were coming from the conference room - well, one voice really. The unmistakable bellow of Wrex Urdont. Shepard sighed. 

“Oh, fuck me,” Shepard picked up her pace. “I swear to all the gods and goddesses in the galaxy, if that idiot makes a bigger mess for me to clean up, I’ll shoot him in the quad.” 

Garrus did his best to stifle a laugh at the image. Because Danica Shepard was probably the only being in the galaxy that could actually get Wrex Urdont in the quad. He’d pay to watch that show.

They found Wrex and Victus in the conference room, both of them pacing back and forth, the tension so thick between them, Garrus could cut it with a talon. Mordin watched silently. Apparently satisfied things had not yet come to physical blows, Shepard stopped at the edge of the table and watched the exchange. 

“You have the female, Wrex. A cure for the rest of your people can come later,” Victus argued. 

“That wasn’t the deal,” Wrex countered.

“But Palaven needs your reinforcements now. We can’t delay!”

“Unless every Krogan gets the cure, there’s no alliance.”

Victus threw his hands up in the air and leaned on the large conference table, looking at Shepard. Wrex was asking a lot; then again, his species had been screwed by the Turians before. Garrus couldn’t say he’d be asking anything different if he were in the Krogan’s shoes.

“Mordin, how long will it take to finish a cure?” Shepard asked, ignoring the Turian and the Krogan leaders and looking to her Salarian scientist. Mordin rambled off some explanation about antigens that Garrus didn’t understand. Shepard sighed. “Formulating a cure that works for every Krogan sounds like a tall order, even for you Mordin. Can you do it?”

The Salarian began to ramble off another complicated explanation before Shepard cut him off. 

“You know I don’t understand any of that,” she said with a laugh. Mordin grinned. 

“Can do it,” Mordin stated simply. “May need company for duet.”

And then, in the middle of a war conference, the Salarian scientist began humming that song he had been singing with the Commander months ago when they were all working with Cerberus. Danica laughed, Wrex and Victus looking at the two of them like they were crazy. 

“Get started, Mordin, and make it quick,” Shepard said. “I’ll swing by if I have time.”

“Always do, Commander,” Modin said with a wink. “Will be in med bay.”

Wrex, Victus, Shepard, and Garrus wrapped up the meeting. Wrex and Victus both needed something from her, because of course they did. After the two of them left the room, Shepard leaned on the table and let out a long breath. 

“You okay, Shep?”

“Yeah. Fine. Ever think, just once, someone will help us out without me having to run missions for them?”

“Nah,” Garrus answered quickly. Shepard let out a quick laugh. “What’s the plan?”

“I’m going to go talk to Mordin and Eve, make sure I’ve got all the information we need. And then, I guess I’ll go figure out what Wrex needs.”

“Wrex first?”

Shepard shrugged. 

“I figure it’s more likely to be a disaster. Maybe we’ll get the hard mission done first?”

“I appreciate your eternal optimism, Shepard. Not that it usually helps us out much…”

Danica playfully punched him in the arm. 

“I’ll ping you when I’ve figured out what’s happening.”


	2. Danica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seemed like a good day for a double post. These two are a bit slow, but action will pick up soon!

“You’re locked in a cave for seven days with just enough food to last. On the eighth, you’ll starve.”

Danica liked Eve. Mordin was right; she had a new perspective on things; an interesting outlook on the future of the Krogan. Her voice was deep but soothing. She found herself asking more and more questions. When Eve handed her the crystal that she’d found in the cave, Danica shook her head. 

“I can’t take this, Eve.”

“You can,” the Krogan pushed back; gently, but forcefully. “Let it be a reminder, Commander. In the darkest hour, there is always a way out.”

Something squeezed tight in Danica’s chest at the Krogan’s words, but she took the crystal. She’d need all the reminders she could get. Sooner rather than later, if she had to guess. Danica turned the crystal over in her hands, as she asked Eve her next question; one she’d been avoiding. 

“Do you think Wrex will want revenge for the genophage?” She asked, her voice smaller than she’d like. She remembered how close she got to having to put Wrex down on Virmire. When he got angry, all bets were off. If, after all the work she and others put into uniting the species, Wrex threatened it out of a desire for revenge...Danica didn’t want to think about the choices she’d have to face in that situation. 

“Some clans will expect it,” Eve confirmed Danica’s fears. “But I hope Wrex resists. He may be stubborn but he understands the cycle of violence must end if Krogan are to ever have a voice in galactic politics. Still, he’s just one krogan. If enough clans demand it, he may not be able to stop them.”

“Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, yeah?” Danica sighed. “Thanks for talking to me, Eve.”

“It’s my pleasure, Commander,” Eve reached out her hand and shook Danica’s with a steady grip. “I’m glad to see humans treat their women with respect. Your people have placed a lot of responsibility on you.”

“No more than your people have put on you.”

Eve chuckled at that. 

“Then maybe we can show the men how it’s done.”

“I’d love nothing more,” Danica said, smiling. She left the Krogan female sitting on the bed and went to talk to Mordin. “How is she doing?”

“Blood work complete. Show significant stress on her system. Maelon’s data thorough. Detailed. Tedious even. But, have used to improve her condition.” Mordin spoke quickly, as usual, while Danica tried to follow along. He recommended waiting for Eve to recover fully before synthesizing cure. The Krogan protested from across the room. “Her opinion, somewhat different.”

Mordin’s eyes danced with mischief and Danica chuckled. 

“You care about her,” she said. Mordin shrugged, but Danica could see the softness in his eyes. A softness that was rare but genuine. He was one of the good ones, Mordin Solus. 

“My patient. My responsibility. Found her at STG base. Three doctors injured trying to restrain her. Undid arm restraints. Didn’t resist when she grabbed me. Promised to help her. She said, ‘please.’ Had to do something.”

“Of course you did,” Danica said, then switched subjects before Mordin got too uncomfortable. He, like her, did not enjoy dwelling in emotions for too long. “You always defended your work on the genophage. What changed your mind?”

“Never changed mind,” Mordin answered, maybe a little too quickly; relieved to move on. “Genophage proper decision at time. New circumstances necessitate course correction.” 

“Circumstances being the Reapers? End of the universe eminent?” Danica offered. Mordin smiled proudly, the way he always did when Danica anticipated his answers. 

“Yes! Turians doomed without Krogan support. Krogan need unified threat, outlet for aggression. Cooperative symbiosis.”

“Symbiosis, huh? No personal stakes here?” She asked, unable to stop herself from pushing just a little. Mordin’s expression grew serious and he glanced at Eve.

“Getting old, Shepard. Not many years left. But still best candidate for project,” his voice was quieter now. “Few Salarian scientists interested in genophage. None with my expertise. Had to be me.”

“Someone else might have gotten it wrong?” Danica offered. Mordin smiled again, voice light again.

“Possibly. Stakes too high for inexperience. But not about them,” he explained. “My work. My job to put it right. To prove I can.”

“Sure, I get that.” Danica clapped him on the shoulder. “I”m glad you’re here, Mordin. I don’t think I’d trust anyone else to get this right.”

“Plus, my signing.”

Danica laughed out loud at that. 

“Your singing, yeah. Perfect for the end of the known universe.”

“Important to keep upbeat attitude.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Grunt and A Queen

“Any updates, Commander?” James paced across the shuttle. It was something he did before every mission, Garrus had noticed. At first, he thought the kid was always nervous. The more he got to know him, though, Garrus realized he just never stopped moving. It was just more noticeable in the tight space of the shuttle. 

“We’re meeting back up at the drop site,” Shepard said from where she watched out the shuttle door, which had opened as soon as they were in atmo. “Aralakh Company. Krogan commandos.”

“They are Clan Urdnot’s top fighters,” Garrus offered from his seat at the back of the shuttle. He tried to stay out of James’ pre-mission pacing. 

“They are quite accomplished,” EDI chimed in over comms. “They were made famous for their decisive action liberating a colony from Batarian pirates.” 

“Other than that, there’s been no word from the team of Krogan scouts since they went through the Rachni relay.” Shepard offered. Garrus could hear the tension in her voice. Trouble with the Rachni was literally the last thing they needed. 

“There are a lot of reasons that communication with the scouts could be disrupted,” he said. Danica glanced over her shoulder at him and nodded. 

“Yeah, we don’t know much yet. At least there is no actual Rachni activity reported. Maybe letting the queen go won’t end up biting us in the ass.” 

“Her race was all but extinct,” EDI offered her opinion again. She was doing that a lot more lately. “She would not risk annihilation by starting a war.”

“Wait,” Vega paused in his pacing and looked at Shepard. “Are you telling me you let a rachni queen go? Are you kidding?”

“No, it was the right call,” Shepard answered without any hesitation. That was good. It was easy to let doubts eat away at you during times like these. Garrus was relieved to see that was an issue. At least for now. “She wasn’t aggressive; she had no ill will towards us; she just wanted to leave in peace with her children. And despite what people believe about me after Arathoth, I am not a proponent for wiping out an entire species.”

“Damn, Lola,” Vega said, shaking his head. Garrus bristled a bit at the nickname but kept his mouth shut and subvocals under control. “You have done some crazy shit.”

Garrus saw the devious smile Shepard leveled at Vega and chuckled. That she had. 

“Just be ready for anything," Shepard said with a wink at the lieutenant.”Cortez, we about there yet?”

“Thirty seconds, Commander.”

Garrus let Shepard and Vega jump out of the shuttle first and then followed. Just seconds later, a familiar figure was pushing his way through a group of Krogan commandos in matching armor suits. 

“Grunt?” Shepard called. The figure paused, and then pushed the remaining commandos aside.

“Shepard? Ha! Shepard!” Grunt started running toward them and Garrus didn’t bother to hide a laugh when Vega took a step back as the Krogan pounded on Shepard’s armor, laughing. Then Grunt’s eyes fell on Garrus. “Squishy!”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Garrus moaned. Shepard and Vega immediately burst out laughing. “Nice, guys. Real nice.”

“What are you doing here, Grunt?” Shepard asked when she finally recovered from her laughing fit. Vega was still going; it almost sounded like he was going to choke. 

“I could ask you the same question. Didn’t those idiots lock you up?”

Despite the Krogan calling him “squishy” moments before, Grunt earned some of Garrus’ affection back for calling the Alliance idiots. He listened while Shepard and Grunt filled each other in on their last six months and Vega recovered his composure. Grunt updated Shepard on the situation on the ground. 

“Scans show a bunch of tunnels leading to a central location,” the Krogan said. “With any luck, it’s a nest.”

“Wait, Rachni have nests?” Vega demanded, his voice tight. Grunt just looked at him and laughed. 

“Aralakh Company!” Grunt turned back to his men, all of whom stood at quick attention when he called out. Impressive, for a tank Krogan with less than two years of existence. “This is my Battlemaster; Commander Shepard. She will run point in the search for the scout team and we will provide support. Move out!”

\------

Time seemed to move slowly in the dark tunnels. The air was heavy and musty. It smelled like rot, which made sense when they began finding the bead bodies of the Krogan scouts. Shepard swore a blue streak when they found Rachni eggs. Vega was a bit spastic about the little creatures that came out - calling them spiders or something. Both he and Shepard shuddered any time one of them got near. 

“Fucking spiders,” Vega muttered more than once when they had to blast through the weird webbing blocking the pathways. “Fucking space spiders. I hate spiders.”

And then came the Reapers. With husks. Shepard always fought a little erratically when there were husks. He remembered how much she hated them. 

Aralakh Company was taking heavy casualties. 

Reapers and Rachni. 

This mission was going downhill, really fast. 

Shepard seemed to know it, too. After they met up with Grunt and the remaining commandos, she looked at him, her lips pulled tight, eyes serious. It was one of those missions that sat like rot in your gut; one of those missions where it would be a miracle if everyone made it out alive. They’d been through plenty of those together in the last three years and had always managed to get everyone out. Their luck was going to come to an end someday, though, and they both knew it. Garrus just really hoped it wouldn’t be today; hoped it wouldn't be Grunt. 

“Any worthy enemy would regroup and finish us,” Grunt said, interrupting Garrus’ thoughts. “Soon.”

“We’re close, Grunt. Those barriers were protecting whatever’s down that passage.” Shepard nodded toward the passage behind Grunt, who followed her gaze. The Krogan nodded. 

“We’ll dig in here, kill anything that moves, buy you some time.” Grunt started marching off. 

“Good luck,” Shepard said after him. The Krogan turned around with a wicked smile. 

“I don’t need luck. I have ammo.” And then he turned and followed his commandos, his deep laugh echoing off the walls. “Krogan! Get ready!”

Garrus watched Shepard fiddled with her omni-tool for a few seconds. 

“You okay?” He asked, his voice how. She nodded without really looking at him. 

“Something doesn’t feel right about this, Big Guy.” She offered a second later. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. They didn’t say anything else until after they had crawled through the tiny crevice that led to the giant space indicated on the ground scans. 

“Oh, fuck all,” Shepard muttered. There was Reaper tech everywhere. The smell of death and decay was so strong Garrus almost gagged. And there was something massive at the center of the chamber; massive but indistinguishable behind all the Reaper tech.

“What is that?” Vega demanded, eye locked on the enormous shape. No one answered. Shepard radioed Grunt and then jumped down onto the floor of the chamber. The fight to get to the center was messy. Cannibals. Husks. Ravagers. Spiders. Shepard used up all but one of her medi-gels to keep them going. Garrus was out of heat sinks for his Black Widow. Vega was limping.

The Reaper tech in here was more prevalent than anywhere else in the tunnels. That worried Garrus. If there was a nest in here; they could all be indoctrinated. Shepard swore as she pulled a spider off of her and then shot it with her pistol. The barrier behind her fell.

And they all stopped dead in their tracks. 

A Rachni queen staring down at them from where she was strung up in the center of the chamber. 

“Holy. Fuck.” Vega breathed. He nearly fell over when she started speaking through the bodies of the dead Krogan scattered throughout the room. 

“The maddening sour note has ceased.” The queen’s voice made Garrus shudder; it felt like plates, scraping together. Unnatural.

Either Shepard had seen enough crazy that the situation didn’t phase her, or she’d just plain lost it, because she holstered her pistol and approached the beast. 

“What are you?” She demanded. 

“The last queen. We listen for the children...they are silent, hollow. The machines come and take them to war,” the queen lamented, her voice full of sorrow. Garrus didn’t lower his weapon, but he could feel her pain. He was sure Shepard could too. “They die alone, silent, far away.” 

“The Reapers did this to you?” Shepard asked. Garrus watched Shepard closely, already guessing where this was going. Guessing and shaking his head. She was crazy. Brilliantly, beautifully crazy. 

“Yes!” The Rachni queen wailed. “The sour note of the machines is everywhere!”

“I let you go back on Noveria,” Shepard said, walking closer to the queen. Vega swore under his breath and tightened his grip on his rifle. Garrus caught his eye and motioned for him to relax. Shepard had this under control; but if Vega accidentally squeezed a round off due to his nerves, they’d all be screwed. “You promised not to interfere anymore. The Rachni were supposed to disappear.”

“We remember. We kept our promise, retreated back through the relay,” the queen explained. “We started a new home. Beautiful children. Harmony. But...the machines came. They heard our song. Their shriek of sour notes drowned us out!” 

There was a short pause and then Shepard signed.

“They can’t hurt you anymore,” She said, her voice soft, like she was speaking to a scared child. Garrus saw Vega’s mouth drop open. The Rachni queen seemed to relax. 

“Yes, we...understand.” 

“Can you still feel the Reapers?” Shepard asked. “Can they influence you?”

“Shep, what are you doing?” Vega whispered. Shepard ignored him. 

“We hear the machines, but they cannot control us. Remove this last shackle and we are free.”

“What?” Vega squeaked. “Shepard, you can’t seriously be thinking about doing this.”

“Oh, it’s already done,” Garrus offered. He knew Shepard. Her mind had been made up as soon as the queen said she had honored her promise. But before any of them could continue, they heard the dull roar of the Rachni swarm returning. 

“They children return!” The queen wailed. “They will destroy us all! Release us!”

Grunt confirmed the movement over their comms. 

“Are you capable of fighting the Reapers?” Shepard demanded. The Rachni queen growled. 

“We hate the machines! We will fight for our unborn children. Release us!”

“This is fucking loco, Shepard!” James said. “She’s a mess. She needs too much time to escape.”

“Shepard,” Grunt’s voice came over their comms again. “We’re out of time. We stay here, Aralakh Company dies! Is that clear?”

Shepard glanced at Garrus for a second. They’d been here so many times now; Shepard having to make a hard call; a call that would cost lives; looking to Garrus, not for approval, just to know he was there, no matter what her call was. He gave her a short nod.  _ We need her. _

She shook her head once and looked down at the ground. She knew it; knew they needed the queen and that meant Grunt may not make it out. 

“Listen up!” When she spoke, it was with authority; no pain or hesitation in her voice though he could still see it in her eyes. “Aralakh Company holds the rachni off while the queen escapes. Grunt, I need an extra gun to buy her time. Fall back and lead us out.”

“Damn you, Shepard!” Grunt growls. “Fine. I’m on my way.”

“Commander…” Vega started. 

“That’s an order!” She cut him off. “She’s too valuable an asset to lose!”

“And Grunt?” Garrus asked her quietly. It was selfish to call him back. But Shepard didn’t hesitate with her answer, and, even if it was a little personal, the logic was solid. 

“I need all the allies on Tuchanka I can get. Not just to support peace with the Turians, but to head off any push for revenge for the genophage if we all manage to live through this. He’s too valuable to lose.”

Garrus nodded as Shepard raised her gun and shot the last remaining Reaper restraint. The chamber shuddered as the queen broke free. Shepard started running, Garrus and Vega on her heels. They met Grunt and hurried through the tunnels, trying to outrun the Rachni. After a few minutes, though, they were cut off. Shepard let out a string of curses.

“Go,” Grunt grunted. “I’ll hold them off.”

“Over my dead body,” Shepard snapped back. 

“Get outta here, Shepard!” Grunt growled back. The two of them stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Shepard dropped her head. 

“We’ll wait for you long as we can,” she said quietly. Then she grasped his shoulder for a brief moment before taking off at a run. Garrus offered the Krogan a nod as he passed; one that was returned with a wicked smile. They could hear the krogan battle cry echo off the walls behind them as they ran. 

Whatever Grunt did, it worked, because the three of them met little resistance on their way out. Shepard slowed to a walk as they emerged, finally looking over her shoulder. Garrus could tell by the sorrow in her eyes, there was no movement behind them. They could hear the swarm getting closer though; if they waited any longer, they wouldn’t make it off this rock. 

"We gotta go, Shep," he said quietly. Shepard swallowed hard and nodded. 

“Cortez, we’re the last ones out,” she said. They started jogging for the shuttle. Garrus and Vega were onboard when Garrus’ visor picked up movement behind them. He turned, weapon in hand. 

“Unbelievable.”

Shepard looked at him for a moment before following his gaze. She gasped when she saw what he was looking at. 

Grunt, covered in blood and gore, stumbling toward them. Shepard took off running. 

“Grunt!” 

“How in the hell did he survive that?” Vega asked as the Krogan stumbled into Shepard’s arms. Garrus shook his head. 

“He’s a lunatic," he offered. 

“He’s a lunatic?” Vega snorted. “Lola just allied with a fucking Rachni queen. They’re both loco.”

Garrus didn’t argue. The lieutenant was not wrong.

\-----

“Spirits, today was a total shit show,” Danica signed and fell onto the couch next to him. Garrus loved that she had started to use Turian phrases. He wondered if she even realized she was doing it.

“I have to admit, Shepard, I was...surprised when you called Grunt away from his team.” He would never call her on it in the field, but it was unusual for her. It worried him. She glanced at him and then looked away. Neither said anything for a few moments before she sighed and rubbed her face. 

“Yeah, okay, maybe not my most objective call. But, I stand by it. Emotions aside, we need more than just Wrex who will stand on our side if things get complicated on Tuchanka. And we needed the queen. Not just because the Rachni are tough as hell in a fight, but because it sends a message about creating peace between old enemies and bringing all species together. But, yeah, I get your concern. I just...I didn’t want to lose any of my crew.”

She said the last sentence softly. Garrus signed and shifted to look at her. 

“Shep, you know it’s unlikely we’re all going to make it out of this alive. All of the crew.”

“I know, I just…” she sighed. “I just want to hold on for as long as I can. Is that crazy?”

Garrus shrugged when she looked at him. 

“Maybe,” he said, reaching out and grasping her hand. “But, that crazy part of you - that’s what makes you who are. Crazy, impossible, Commander Shepard. It’s what kept us all alive when we fought Saren. It’s what kept us all alive on a suicide mission. The crazy part of you that finds ways to beat impossible odds. Just...make sure you don’t get distracted from the mission trying to find a way out. Sometimes, there just isn’t one. And we’ve got to remember what we’re here to do.”

“Beat the Reapers,” Shepard whispered with a nod. Garrus sighed, reaching out and pulling her close. Shepard tucked herself into his side, slipping her feet under his legs. It helped keep her toes warm, she said. Garrus didn’t mind. He’d do whatever he could to make whatever time they had left as comfortable and enjoyable for her as he could. 


	4. Danica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Priority: Tuchanka

Get the Krogan and Turians to work together, they said. Cure the genophage, they said. But no one said anything about activating ancient Krogan drums to call the Mother of all Thresher Maws while dodging Brutes and Reaper legs.

Danica got side-swiped by a brute arm and went flying into a wall. She felt all the air leave her lungs as she slid to the ground. 

“Shepard!” Garrus shouted somewhere to her left. 

“I…” she gasped, trying to get words out past the sharp pain in her chest. She punched her medi-gel dispenser, sighing with relief when she felt it hit her system. “I’m fine. Just got the breath knocked out of me.”

She pushed herself to her feet. The brute who had hit her now lay at her feet, an unmistakable shot from a Black Widow sniper rifle in the middle of its forehead. Danica shook her head a little to clear her head and glanced around, realizing she was right next to the first drum.”

“Shepard, you need to activate the drums!” Wrex said over comms. 

“I’m a little busy getting tossed around by brutes like a rag-doll, Wrex. Give me a god-damned minute.” Danica hit the first drum pillar as Wrex’s chuckle echoed in her ear. 

“I think he’s enjoying this,” Garrus said, appearing at her side. 

“Yeah, well, he isn’t the one on the business end of a Reaper laser, is he?” Vega grumbled. Danica ignored them and sucked in a few deep breaths to recover from her meeting with the wall. 

“Mordin, how is the cure coming?”

“Almost have cure!” Mordin responded. Danica could hear the tension in his voice. “Eve’s vital signs dropping. Trying to compensate!”

“If I can dodge Reaper legs, Mordin, you can do this,” Danica said. 

“Noted, Commander.” She glanced at Garrus, who was watching her closely - the way he always did after taking a big hit. “I’m fine, Vakarian.”

“Good,” he smirked. “Because the second hammer is on the other side, and more Brutes just dropped.”

Danica scowled at him half-heartedly and then ran back into the fray. She was tired. Even the medi-gel wasn’t alleviating the soreness in her muscles. Taking another day to rest after losing Victus’ son would have been a smarter idea. That mission had almost taken more out of her than the mission with Grunt. Instead, she had charged ahead, hoping to get the genophage cured and Turian help to Earth. Now she was paying for it with a sluggish body and mind. 

“Get that second hammer going, Shepard!” Wrex interrupted her thoughts. She was going to seriously reconsider letting him be on the ops com next time. 

“I’ve got a Reaper in my way, Wrex!” She snarled back. 

“I know!” he said with a laugh. “You get all the fun!”

Danica saw the Reaper leg coming down just in time to dodge it. The force of it plunging into the ground, just feet away from her, sent Danica flying again. She growled as she got back to her feet. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” she said under her breath. 

“Let’s get through this first, and if you still feel that way, I’ll help,” Garrus offered, pulling her the rest of the way to her feet and half pushing her toward cover as another group of Cannibals dropped from the Reaper ship. 

“I heard that!” Wrex said. Danica caught sight of the second hammer trigger and dove for it. Almost immediately, the roar of a thresher maw echoed deep underground. She turned back to Vega and Garrus. 

“Go!” She ordered. “Get back to the truck! I’ll take care of the cure!’

“Like hell I’m leaving you out here all on your own,” Garrus rumbled. Irritation flashed through Danica, but they didn’t have time to argue. The Mother Thresher Maw roared again, this time much closer. 

“Damnit, Vakarian.”

He just shrugged at her. Arrogant, over-protective idiot. 

“I’ll get back to the truck and give Cortez the heads up you’ll need a shuttle pick up ready,” Vega offered. He took off at a run as soon as Danica nodded her consent. 

“At least I have one crew member that still listens to me,” she grumbled. 

“Consider me acting in my official Reaper Advisor capacity,” Garrus offered as they started running for cover. “As the race that deployed the genophage, I feel a moral responsibility to ensure the cure is distributed.” 

“You are so full of shit,” Danica gasped as they both skidded to a stop to watch an enormous thresher maw erupt from the ground and launch itself at the Reaper. “Holy. Shit.”

Garrus didn’t have time to respond as a chunk of stone came flying at them. Before Danica could register what was happening, he barreled into her, tackling her to the ground as debris rained down on them. She could hear rocks rain down on them, pinging off of Garrus’ armor as he shielded her body with his. Just a few moments later and he was pulling her to her feet. 

“Show’s over,” he said, grasping her hand and running towards the tower. “Time to go before we get crushed in this fight.”

He didn’t let go of her hand until they were at the base of the tower, well clear of the danger of being made collateral damage. As they paused to catch their breath, Danica turned just in time to watch the Mother of Thresher Maws wrap herself around the Reaper and pull it down. The ground shook below their feet and then all was silent. 

“You okay, Shep?” Garrus asked, his eyes running over her body. “You’re not fighting right.”

She thought about brushing it off; about lying. It wouldn’t work though. Garrus would know. 

“I’m fucking tired, Garrus. Let’s just get this over with.” 

He didn’t say anything for a few moments, his eyes narrowed on her face. 

“Promise me you’ll take a few days’ rest after this,” he said, his subvocals rumbling with concern. Danica nodded. It wasn’t hard to agree to. She felt like she could sleep on her feet at this point. “Good. Now, let's go cure the genophage.”


	5. Garrus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loss of a friend

“Manual access required. Have to counteract STG sabotage. Ensure cure dispursed correctly.” Mordin seemed calm, even if debris rained down around them, but Garrus could see the panic rising in Shepard's eyes. 

“What? No!’ she said, shaking her head. “Mordin, this whole thing is coming apart. There’s got to be another way.”

Always trying to find the impossible way out. Always trying to save everyone.  It wasn’t going to happen this time, Garrus realized. He could see the resolve in the salarian’s eyes. A heavy knot settled in his stomach. 

“Remote bypass impossible. STG countermeasures in place. No time to adjust cure for temperature variance.” Mordin looked up at the top of the tower and paused for a moment, seeming to contemplate. Shepard said nothing; she just watched her friend, shaking her head. “No. No other option. Not coming back. Suggest you get clear. Explosions likely to be problematic.”

He turned to look at Shepard for just a moment, then started walking toward the elevator. 

“Mordin, no!” She took off after him. 

“Shepard,” Garrus said to stop her. She paused but didn't look at him. Mordin stepped onto the elevator and turned back to Shepard. 

“Shepard, please. Need to do this,” he said, almost too quietly for Garrus to hear. “My project. My work. My cure. My responsibility. Would have liked to study seashells, though.”

“Fuck that,” Shepard growled, starting toward the elevator again. Mordin’s eyes flickered to Garrus. The scientist didn’t need to say anything for Garrus to know what he was asking. Throat tight, Garrus reached out for Shepard’s arm, halting her progress. She tried to pull away, but Garrus' grip was tight. “Mordin, please. Don’t go.”

“Have to, Shepard. Has to be me.” The scientist smiled. “Someone else might get it wrong.”

A sob escaped Shepard’s throat. She struggled against Garrus’ grip again, but he held tight as Mordin closed the glass door on the elevator. He hated this; hated seeing Shepard like this; hated that he had to be the one to hold her back. If there was a way out of this, no matter how improbable, he’d gladly fight his way out with her. But Mordin was right; the salarian had to be the one to do this. And there would be no coming back from the top of that tower. 

The elevator started moving up, and Danica tried to wrench her arm away again. 

“No!” She shouted. “No!”

“Danica!” Garrus finally, snapped. Her eyes flashed to his; angry; furious; devastated. He took a deep breath and quieted his voice. “Focus on the mission. There is no way out of this one.”

He swore he could see her heart shatter in those beautiful green eyes. 

She glanced one more time at the lift, Mordin no longer looking at them, working furiously at the console. She yanked her arm away from his hand, and then took off running towards the shuttle, Garrus behind her. Cortez sped away from the facility as the door slid shut.

“Shep…” he started. 

Her shout started low and deep in Shepard’s chest and turned into a painful roar as she pulled her arm back and hit the side of the shuttle with a full-force punch. It rocked the small craft and Garrus heard the sound of metal crunching under the weight of her cybernetic enhancements. Cortez swore, trying to keep the shuttle on course. Shepard slid to the bench, dropping her head into her hands. She didn’t say a word to Garrus - didn’t even look at him - and he didn’t try to push. Not now and not here, no matter how much he hated the silence, the distance between them. They made the rest of the ride to the Normandy in silence. As soon as the door slid open in the docking bay, Shepard shoved past him without a word and disappeared into the elevator. Garrus watched her go, with his heart in his throat. He’d never seen her like this; never been the target of this level of anger from her. He didn’t know what to do.

“I know Mordin was a friend,” Cortez’s voice made Garrus jump. He’d forgotten the human was there. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Garrus mumbled. Cortez clasped him on the shoulder. 

“Not yours either.”

Part of him knew the human was right; part of him couldn’t help but feel responsible for the heartbreak he’d seen in his girlfriend’s eyes as she realized she was losing a friend.

\---

He’d planned on giving her a day, or two if she needed it. Garrus only lasted two hours. He couldn’t stand knowing she wasn’t okay; couldn’t stand not being able to be with her when she was hurting. 

“EDI, where is Shepard?” He asked as he headed toward the elevator. 

“She is ‘dancing’ with Lieutenant Vega in the cargo bay.” 

Garrus froze on the walkway, drawing more than a few glances. No one said anything, though. They all knew what had happened - word traveled fast on a small ship with a tight-knit crew.

“She’s what?”

“If it helps, I believe ‘dancing’ is a metaphor for sparring.” EDI offered. Jealousy shot through Garrus and he began toward the elevator, this time with a determined stalk.

“That’s even worse,” he growled under his breath. He was supposed to be the one she sparred with when she was upset; had been the one for more than three years now. Not that over-muscled, meat-headed…   


“Shepard’s vitals do not indicate that she is aroused in any way by her sparring with Lieutenant Vega,” EDI continued in her attempt to be helpful. “While she is frequently aroused while sparing with you. I do not believe you have any...competition, Advisor Vakarian.”

Garrus choked as he punched the elevator button for the cargo bay. EDI had learned a lot about organics, but sometimes her “help” was still over-intrusive. 

“Thanks, EDI. That does make me feel at least a little better,” he admitted. “But, uh, let's maybe avoid reading Shepard’s vitals to see if she’s turned on in the future. I have a feeling things would not end well...for either of us.”

“Noted, Advisor Vakarian.” EDI paused before continuing with much more hesitation. “I am...relieved you are on your way to finding her. She is in considerable...distress.” 

Garrus’ throat tightened, both at EDI’s concern and the reminder of Shepard’s mental and emotional state. 

“I’ll do what I can, EDI,” he said as the elevator doors opened. There was a handful of crew members in the armory area; the tension thick in the air. They all seemed to be relieved when they saw Garrus step out of the elevator. Cortez stood near the console, eyes on the open space in the middle of the bay, arms crossed as he watched Shepard and Vega dance around one another. The pilot glanced over his shoulder and let out a long breath when he saw Garrus approaching him. 

“Thank God,” Cortez said. “I have known Vega for a long time. I have never seen anyone hand him his ass the way the Commander is right now. He needs extraction. And soon.”

Garrus sighed. This was getting out of hand. He dropped a hand on Cortez’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I got this.”

Vega caught sight of him as he marched toward their makeshift sparring ring. The man sighed with relief and pulled out of his stance. 

“I’m done, Lola. You win this one.” Vega said, dropping his hands. Shepard snorted and turned away without even glancing at Garrus. She leaned over and picked up a water bottle sitting on the floor while Vega approached Garrus. His lip was busted, blood dripped from his nose, and he had a cut over his left eye that was swelling. “What the hell took you so long, man?”

“What, can’t hold up?” Garrus teased even though he was so tense it felt like he would snap. He had no idea how to navigate this situation without making a huge mess. Spirits, help him. 

“I haven’t taken a beating like that from her since she was first on Earth. It took her a few rounds to figure out she was pounding me into the ground. Said she was used to someone with thicker skin. Thought she was giving me a hard time; never realized she meant a damn Turian.”

“Yeah,” Garrus said, glancing back at Shepard. She had turned back around and was watching him. He couldn't read the expression on her face. Garrus swallowed and looked back down at Vega. The human was gingerly holding his side like he had a broken rib. Garrus nodded back toward the elevator. “You should go see Doc. I’ll take care of Shepard.”

“I do not envy you, man,” the human muttered, shaking his head as he started toward the elevator.

“And Vega?” 

“Yeah?” Vega paused and looked at him, attempting to raise his swollen eyebrow and then wincing. 

“Clear the deck.”

Vega glanced past him at Shepard and then back to Garrus. 

“Sure thing, Vakarian.”

Garrus waited until he heard Vega tell everyone to clear out and the hum of the elevator going up before he started toward Shepard, who still watching him with that blank expression and hard eyes.

“I have to say, I’m impressed Vega lasted as long as he did,” Garrus said, attempting a lighthearted approach. It had always worked for them; easing into the tough stuff with humor. He wasn’t sure it was going to work this time - this thing might be too big. But he had to start somewhere. Shepard's response was to fall into her fighting stance. Garrus barely had time to do the same before she came at him. 

He kept close track of the time that passed, knowing all too well Shepard's tendency to push her limits and how exhausted she had been on the mission today. He didn't pull his punches, though. Shepard would be able to tell if he was going on easy on her and that would just make her angrier at him. Which was the last thing he needed. It was about ten minutes before her movements got slower and the hardness began to melt from her eyes. Pain glowed there now. When he saw the gleam of unshed tears, instead of blocking Shepard's jab, he grabbed her wrist. She glared at him but there was no real vitriol there. Garrus sighed.

“I know you’re mad at me, Shep. But Mordin was right. It had to be him.”

Shepard swallowed hard and glanced away, clearly trying to control her emotions.

“I’m not mad at you,” She said, her voice tight. Garrus dropped her wrist. He grasped her chin gently, affectionately, and turned her face back towards him.  Big, sad green eyes met his. “I'm mad at everyone else. Everyone that makes a mess and then expects me to clean it up; everyone who doesn’t listen and then expect me to save the day; everyone who refused to help until they needed our help. I’m so fucking angry. It burns in my chest constantly. Every casualty report, every refugee, every life lost - it makes me furious. It didn’t have to be like this.

“And now,” she looked away from him. “Now I’ve lost one of my crew. A friend. One of my best friends.”

Her voice again and all Garrus could do was wrap his arms around her and pull her close. She let herself be pressed into his chest and slipped her arms around his waist. He’d taken his armor off earlier so he could feel her pressed against his body; could feel when her hot tears soaked through the cloth. He wasn’t sure how long they stood like that, but after a while, Shepard pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. Garrus took her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers. 

"No apology is necessary," he said. "I'm sorry we couldn't save him."

"Me too," Shepard whispered. They stayed like that for several long moments, before she sighed.  “I’ve got to go debrief the crew. And then we need to head back planet-side with Wrex. And I need confirmation that Victus will send some of the Turian fleet to Earth as soon as Korgan forces get to Palavan. And check on Vega.”

Garrus pulled away and grasped her shoulders. 

“You promised to rest,” he reminded her. 

“When the mission was over,” she countered. “The mission was to get the Turians to send aid to Earth. We’ve got a few more things to wrap up before we're there.”

Garrus growled. 

“And then, I promise, I’ll rest,” she said with a small smile. “You can turn the growlies down, Big Guy.” 

“I’m worried about you,” he argued. “You need rest.”

“I can rest when I’m dead,” She turned away and picked up her water bottle from the ground. 

“You’re going to be dead if you don’t sleep,” he countered, his irritation rising. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how sluggish you were on Tuchanka. You’re doing to get yourself killed, Danica.”

She grew serious, the way she always did when he used her first name. He only used it when he really needed her to listen to what he was saying. Her eyes flickered over his face for a few seconds before she nodded. 

“Okay, Big Guy. You got it. Just let me wrap things up with Wrex and Victus and then I’ll get some shut-eye.”


End file.
